Aging, Unfiltered.

How Hitting 40 Gave Me the Permission to Be Myself.

I turned 40, and honestly? I’m over it.

Here’s what I’m just not interested in anymore:

• Yelling about what I do from the rooftops

• Working for free (no thanks)

• Chasing trends like a hamster on a wheel

• Proving myself to anyone

• Trying to look younger than I am (I'm cool with the wrinkles)

• Worrying about what other people think of me

• Building someone else’s dream

• Doing meaningless work

• Prioritizing work over health and relationships

• Rushing past the little things, like beautiful flowers

Now, my husband and I have a long-running joke about the old guy on the beach in the 1970s-style tiny speedos. You know the one- the belly full of years of good food and beer, strutting his stuff like he owns the place. People watch him, smile, and maybe feel a little embarrassed by the size of those speedos, but also recognize just how free he looks. My husband always says, “He’s old- he can do whatever he wants.” And honestly? I think we all want to get to that point.

Marie- Antoinette by Sofia Coppola.

Aging is one of those things that’s so hard to wrap your head around. You’re always in the middle of it, yet it feels like it’s way off in the distance. It’s almost like aging is some weird abstract concept, but, spoiler alert: the body doesn’t care. It keeps marching on.

Now that I’m in my fourth decade, I’m noticing shifts in how I think and what really matters. Especially as a woman, the changes are interesting. We’re naturally caretakers, and as we get older and hormones shift, we start reclaiming that “Who am I and why am I here?” mindset. It’s like the universe gives you a reset button after decades of taking care of everyone else.

I read an article that explained what happens to the way we think by showcasing a simple experiment. It went something like this; if you go into a room with 9 year old kids and ask them what they want for lunch- each kid will blurt out exactly what they feel like eating. If you do the same thing a few years later with a room full of teenagers- the boys will still instinctively blurt out their preference where the girls will anxiously look around to see what their peers might say and will most likely answer something like “it doesn't matter” or “I’ll have what they are having.”

We stay in those child bearing years for decades (regardless if you do have your one child or not)- then as you start getting into your 40s and 50s (speculatively speaking so far) hormones change again.

Meaning, when someone asks you what you want to eat- you might not have instinctively answered that question since you were 9. No wonder you might struggle to answer, and when you can, a change to the way you live might be inevitable.

Poor things by Yorgos Lanthinos.

It might be messy, adventurous and scary, but we are enroute back to ourselves again.

Arthur Brooks has a great way of explaining this shift. He talks about how, as we age, we need to learn to “surf between fluid and crystallized intelligence.” Fluid intelligence is all about problem-solving and adapting to change- it’s sharp in your younger years but tends to decline with age. Crystallized intelligence, however, is the wisdom and experience we accumulate over time- it grows stronger the older we get.

Weather I'm learning how to surf, gracefully 😊 aging or have just reach a point where I give 0 F*** I'm not sure. But here we are and it feels incredible. What is your “I'm not doing this anymore” list telling you?